One Ministerâ€™s Musings
June 2, 2011
The air was damp from yet another rainstorm. The sky was dark with heavy clouds sweeping to the east. The wind was blowing hard at the car, pushing it across the lanes. I was driving. Â Driving to get away from it all. And, I was driving to get into it all.
My soul was weary at the end of a full academic year. I thanked God for a great year, yet wondered what might be next. My body was tired and fighting the virus that wouldnâ€™t leave me.Â Â My mind was churning at full gear finding no way to shift down into neutral. I needed a personal retreat and was driving through a spring storm to get away.
As I arrived at the Chiara Center in Springfield, a tall, gentle man, who graciously showed me to my room and explained the hospitality of the center, greeted me at door. As I put my bags down and lay on the bed, I sighed a deep sigh and said out loud, â€œGod come to me. God enter me. God center me. God calm me. God guide me.â€ I would repeat this mantra often during the next three days.
And then I went to bed, falling into a deep sleep longing for rest, longing for clarity, longing to stop the churning. I wondered what might come into the rest. I wonder what God would reveal when there was finally room to hear the quiet presence of the Holy.
During the three days, I slept, wrote in my journal, wrote poetry, and prayed. I walked. I colored mandalas and talked with a spiritual director. And, most importantly, I sat. I was quiet. I prayed, â€œGod come to me. God enter me. God center me. God calm me. God guide me.â€
These days became the ultimate recreation â€“ â€œre-creationâ€ â€“ for I felt my body relax. For a bit, the compulsive chatter in my brain stopped, and I rested.
And through the resting, reading, conversation, writing, and drawing, I heard one single message, â€œallow room for loveâ€. Let go of the need to control. God is revealed in the loving of yourself and in the loving of the world around you. God is found in the receiving and the giving of love. This love is packaged in all kinds of ways and, â€œGirl, allow room for love.â€ Yield for love. Surrender to love. Trust loving. I realized that in the allowing, the Spirit leads. I donâ€™t have to work so hard at it.
So, as I left in the morning, the sky was blue. I noticed it instead of the chatter in my brain and I was more fully mindful of this world, now, for loveâ€™s sake. I realized yet again the importance of taking time for â€œre-creationâ€, pray-filled recreation, even if itâ€™s only three minutes and not three days. The presence of God has space to come, enter, center, calm, guide, and to love.
Thanks be to God.